you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
