I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
