Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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