I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
