Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I look better un-naked...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
