nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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