so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
