it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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