I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
