i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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