I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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