Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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