I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
