hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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