she woke up with a sticky ear
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Come back. Shots need mouths.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
