i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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