he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
