mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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