You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize