You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
we're so committed to being not committed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
