She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
