Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
