Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
