bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
