I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
