I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
