based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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