Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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