The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
