nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
