dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
