oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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