I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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