Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize