So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
