You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i love accidental penises.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
