I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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