is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
