You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
