yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
