Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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