3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
