She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize