took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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