Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
