Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
