are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
