Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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