he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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