Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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