I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
