I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
