They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
