if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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