I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
