And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My vagina is officially offended.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
