i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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