Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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