nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
