walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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