Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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