Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
