i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
