The maid of honor just puked.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
