I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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