I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
