my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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