i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
