i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
