my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
