guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize