she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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