I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
