you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
