In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
