someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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