Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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