Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
