Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
