he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
