I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
