On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize