i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
