i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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