I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
