I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
