I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
