If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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