i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
