Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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