Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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