you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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