There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize