hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
