I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
