I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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