I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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