In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
