So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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