i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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