pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
