She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
