I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
