my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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