Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
