Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My ATM looks so different sober.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
