Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize