i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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