just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
