You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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